Double standard...

Have you ever noticed the extent with which each of us live in double standards? Ok, I will keep this personal because really I notice this about myself all the time. For example, I yell at my own kids but as soon as I see some else yelling at their kids, I shake my head.  Or, I watch someone speeding down the road and I wonder, where are the police when we need them. Yet, I don't think anything of it when I am late and speeding to get my kids, get to work, or going to an appointment.

I usually try to give these up-to-no-good strangers a story so I don't let them ruin my day.  Like for the person speeding I give the story she is on her way to pick up her child who is throwing up at school.  This makes my stress level go down and the stranger gets my prayers instead of my dirty look.

In the last week, my "made-up" back stories have turned more personal in nature.  For example, this morning while driving the kids to school, I was passed by a gentleman on a motorcycle in a place there is only one lane. I was going 38mph in a 35 and 200 yards ahead of us there was a long line of rush hour traffic (the same as everyday).   I caught myself saying "what in the heck is that guy doing?!!!!"  Then I told the kids, "That man must be in a really big hurry to help fix someone's brain."  Sick, I know but it works.  I felt much better and the kids did point out he was being safe because he was wearing a helmet.

You should try it.  You can even personalize your made up back stories to your own life.

The reason I really started thinking about this is because, I have a "double standard" with sick people.  I am a very grumpy sick person.  Whether it is a headache, the flu, or food poisoning I can be wonderful to everyone and take it out on Joel.   Specifically, I bite at him with curt phrases and curl up into my own pitiful world of self loathing and pain.  When I take care of sick Joel, my attitude has always been "you don't have to be mean, just because you are sick.  Buck up, you will be fine."

So needless to say, when Joel and I found out he was going to be having brain surgery, I was worried about my bedside manner.  Knowing that this was not a "buck-up" situation, I expected Joel to expel curt phrases and moan in intense pain while I held his hand, fed him yogurt, and kept track of his medicine.

Honestly, we day 8 in post-op and he has done anything but be mean.  He has been a wonderful patient besides the day he spent nauseous and night he spent in pain.  He is even off his pain meds and is very pleasant. I have been amazed.  Even while he was still in the hospital I was checking in with the nurses in case I needed to apologize for any rude behavior and the only time I even saw him a little upset was while talking about someone leaving the light on his room after they took out the trash in the middle of the night.  He didn't even display a whole lot of frustration at the nurse who was slow to put saline solution in his IV after she had just injected something that was burning his vein.

So, what I have learned? I need to work on my behavior when I am sick.